GORGEOUS WRECKS SHELLHOLE RAID CASA MIA SHELLHOLE AND KIDNAP THE OLD BILL OF THE ORDER

In a daring and highly questionable display of military planning, the fearless members of Gorgeous Wrecks Shellhole learned that the Old Bill of the Order, Moth Leon Robertson, would be attending the Casa Mia Shellhole meeting on 1 March 2026.

The Wrecks immediately concluded that such an important dignitary could not possibly be left unattended amongst the Casa Mia crowd and therefore required urgent “protective custody.”

Orders were issued by Old Bill George Butler, who assumed command of the operation with all the authority of a General and none of the paperwork. The Wrecks assembled discreetly around the corner from Evenden House, attempting to look inconspicuous while forming a convoy large enough to invade a small country.

At the appointed hour the motorised column rolled forward and descended upon the Dugout with all the subtlety of a troop carrier with a loose exhaust pipe.

Upon entry, the invading force was bravely challenged by the Casa Mia Shellhole Sgt-Maj, John Hains, who attempted to repel the attack single-handedly. Sadly, he was outnumbered by a mob of Wrecks whose tactical plan consisted mainly of shouting loudly and occupying all available chairs.

The Executive of Casa Mia Shellhole were immediately placed under arrest, tried on the spot, and sentenced to banishment to the salt mines, a punishment considered most severe since it comes with no beer ration.

Meanwhile, the notorious Wrecks Sgt-Maj Francois Louw successfully carried out the main objective of the operation by kidnapping the Old Bill of the Order, Moth Leon Robertson. The distinguished prisoner was then held firmly to ransom, although witnesses report he appeared quite comfortable with the arrangement.

With the Dugout firmly under Wrecks control, Moth George Butler seized the chair and promptly closed the meeting before anyone from Casa Mia could recover their dignity. In the finest traditions of MOTH justice, everyone present was immediately fined on the spot in order to raise ransom money for the safe return of the Old Bill of the Order.

After vigorous collection (and a few threats involving additional fines), the impressive sum of R1,410.00 was raised and ceremoniously handed to Moth Robertson to assist with his travelling expenses — or possibly to ensure he would forgive the kidnappers.

With hostilities concluded and honour more or less intact, the afternoon descended into the usual harmony session, followed by a bring-and-braai. Good fellowship prevailed, tall stories were told, and it was unanimously agreed that the raid had been a resounding success, even if nobody could quite remember who actually won.

All participants returned safely to their respective Shellholes, slightly poorer from the fines but considerably richer in good humour and comradeship.